Sunday, May 25, 2008

Rice Blog

Rice Blog v2.. Coming Soon

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Funny Story (Not me)

True story.

I was in grad school in Sydney, living on campus. There were two Danish guys in the dorm, Mike and Lasse, who had kept in contact with some Danish girls who were going to another university out in the sticks, around dairy and emu farms. Since I didn't have any family around, and had no money to fly home for the holidays, they were nice enough to invite me to their little Scandanavian Christmas.

Things started out great. I was the only non-Dane in the room, but everyone was so nice, I was really starting to feel welcome. Then they prepared the Gluck.

If you don't know what it is (as I didn't then), let me explain: Gluck is a traditional Danish holiday drink made from hot wine, but there are spices and nuts and rasins and shit in there too. I guess you have to have been raised on it, because I could barely choke it down. But since I was a guest, I did my best to smile and swallow. I drank entirely too much of it. ENTIRELY too much.

Later on that night, after everyone was a bit lopsided, the American bashing started. Not mean spirited, or anything, but needling just the same. You know, things like, "Why do you love war so much?", "Why are Americans so fat?", and "What makes you think cow tipping is so funny?"

I was trying, without much effort or success, to defend myself. I explained that I didn't think cow tipping was particularly funny, and that I had never actually been cow tipping. So of course Mike and Lasse start screaming, "Let's do it! I want to see an American tip a cow! That would be funny as hell!"

I said Fuck no, I'm not tipping a cow, but everyone was really into it, and Mike and Lasse said that they'd go with me and tip as well. In my drunken mindset, it started to make more and more sense to me, so I reluctantly said Okay.

So we went out into a field that has maybe six or seven cows in it, and Goddamn if Mike didn't pick out the fucking biggest cow. He said, "Tip that one. Just walk up to it an push it over." Are you fucking kidding me? The cow must have weighed 500 pounds. There was no way I was going to just push it over. I said as much to Lasse, and he said, "Okay, get a running start."

Well all right...that made much more sense...I got about 50 feet away from the cow and took off. I got up a good head of steam, and ducked my shoulder at the last minute for the best impact. I even aimed high for the best leverage possible.

Lessons learned from that experience:

1. Cows are fucking heavy.
2. Cows are fucking hard as rocks.
3. I am fucking stupid.

I just about fractured my clavicle, and the cow shuffled over about half a step and walked off, leaving my stupid, drunk ass whimpering in the mud. The rest of the cows woke up and sort of wandered off. Mike and Lasse were pissing themselves in laughter. I picked myself up off the ground and resigned myself to taking the walk of shame back into the house.

As we were walking back, we passed a Momma cow and her little calf. I don't know anything about animal husbandry, but I guess the calf was maybe a year old. Cutest little thing. Mike pushed the calf over. He didn't say anything, didn't look to Lasse or myself for approval, just suddenly pushed him over. And started laughing like a lunatic.

The Momma cow freaked out. She gave a scary ass cow scream, which I had never heard before and hope to God in heaven that I never hear again. Jesus Christ, I nearly shit myself. I had no idea that a cow could make a horror-movie scream like that. Then the cow charged. Fuck, you never saw three drunks run like that. Suddenly, I remembered a joke from my childhood. Something about running from a hungry bear: I don't have to be faster than the bear, I just have to be faster than you.

Lessons learned from that experience:

1. Cows are fucking scary fast.
2. Drunk people can't run.

I was clearly in the lead, running back toward the fence. I hopped nimbly over (har har) and promptly spewed all over myself. Purple fluid, nuts and raisins came shooting out of my mouth like the pie eating contest in "Stand By Me". It was evidently quite spectacular.

Mike came over next, but it was obvious that Lasse wasn't going to make it. I guess he thought he was being chased by a bear, because he decided to fall down and play dead, but it was clear the cow wasn't to be had so easily. She stopped, rolled Lasse over with her nose, and started sniffing him. For a minute I thought his ruse was going work. Then the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack. Then the Momma and baby just walked away. Lasse projectile vomited in a fashion very similar to my own. Mike and I stood there, open-mouthed, disbelieving.

We never spoke of the incident again.

OMG new post!

Yeh, I'm posting something now, cause its 3am (meant to be 4am, but yeh, daylight saving just ended, so that means minus 1 hr), and I'm fkn bored.

So at last something about RICE.


LOL HAHAHAHA! I know you found that funny. XD

To other Ricers: You guys better post something you noob cakes.


Friday, December 7, 2007

Comedian #2 - Dane Cook

Don't know if some of you have seen this but this guy is a champ, he's funny funny, everything he says is soooooo true!
You have to watch them all, they're just that good!

Dane Cook:

-Girls - Mental Ninjas-


-At the movies-

-Painful Shits-

-Names - My son Optimus Prime- (i think this is where sigid got the idea from)


Friday, November 30, 2007


Small section extracted from the article:

A surgery meant to reverse a colostomy on a Dover man went horribly wrong last year, resulting in fecal mater being discharged from his penis and urine passing through his colon, according to a lawsuit filed in Superior Court.

During the procedure, the suit alleges doctors at Kent General Hospital improperly stapled the colon to the bladder instead of the rectal stump. This left the patient with diarrhea, as well as gas and liquid stool passing from his penis.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Kermit the Frog's reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup. (kinda NSFW)

Kermit watching the latest, most disgusting internet phenomenon.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Free Krispy Kreme

Yes, guys another special promo, 6 free Krispy Kreme.

Yes its FREE, GRATIS, no objection!

Bleh i cbf typing anymore, ill post the link.

"All registered voters will receive a voucher redeemable for up to 6 Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnuts on Sunday November 25, the day after the Election. "
its a KK vote, not the real vote btw.

my 2 cents,


this place is deserted, i think people migrated to FB its the season changing!

Monday, November 5, 2007

Free Slurpee This Wednesday Quick!

To all asians (and those who loves their slurpees),

This wednesday, the day after cup day and when i have my $#%# further exam, is when 7-11 is having their free slurpee day! yes its FREE, GRATIS! MIAN FEI! NO MONEY! *no straw included (jking joking).

Anyway the details are:
.`, sιg _ says:
.`, sιg _ says:
.`, sιg _ says:
free slurpee on wednesday!

one can check the details on that website and one must say the secret phrase inorder to gain the free slurpee.

its preety "cool" find huh? just dont get sick ok? (it really majorly sucks ####s)

im gonna crash,



Sunday, November 4, 2007


Remember in year 10 when sigid burnt his hand? and everyone thought of reasons why he did it? well. no suprise here. its no WONDER he was learning the secret art of the ancient bearded ninja

but to be honest, this is really cool. i wana buy a zippo lighter now! a few


This is the update for the party that Sigid was talking about earlier. Basically, straight after exams, most likely the night on 20th November.

Sigid's birthday was like earlier... but didn't have a party, so yeah... and mine is like after I get my wisdom teeth taken out - which is why i'm having it like more than a week earlier! =D

Anyways, it's gonna be at a restaurant, which one? we haven't confirmed. I'll keep you peepz notified when we do decide after the last chem exam.

Study hard and good luck for the exams! =D
don't get sick at this time of the year, like Siggy the newb XD

Friday, November 2, 2007

Citizens Infringement Officer #2 - Wrong side of escalator

Citizens Infringement Officer clip taken from ABC show "The Chasers War on Everything". In this clip, Julian fines people who are standing on the wrong side of the escalator, which is the right side.

Don't you just hate it when people are standing on the right, and blocking you from walking up/down the escalator.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Woosh! Flying Man!

Hi guys. I know its close to exams but

Anybody a fan of HEROES? (tv show)

Was talking to zong about it and then i suddenly had the compulsion to look it up on ebay. Found an interesting listing.

anyway, anybody thats interested in buying one, its about 11 dollars AUD buy it now, and postage is cheaper if you buy in bulk. so let me know if you want it!

I already have 5 confirmed. U heroes nuts

Click HERE!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Sigid's favourite celeb singer

Gawsh... and I thought I was bad at Chinese LOL

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Matt, the true internet pioneer

okay, so it happened like this.

.`, matt says:
.`, sιg _ says:
wtf is that
.`, matt says:
.`, matt says:
u wanna know dont u
.`, sιg _ says:
carefactor x100
.`, matt says:
.`, matt says:
its girls who s--- into a cup
.`, matt says:
and eat it
.`, sιg _ says:

and the fact that i just had my dinner i had to decline matt's nice little FRIENDLY offer.

.`, sιg _ says:

and so i guess we can be assured about this information, as matt is the internet pioneer.

"Dont worry. im from the internet"


if you dont see me posting anymore, i may be dead.


ps. someoneelse please post, its getting deserted

ppPPPppPpPS. edited to real convo, <3 u sigid

Monday, October 29, 2007

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Citizens Infringement Officer #1 - Wanker Number Plates

Citizens Infringement Officer clip taken from ABC show "The Chasers War on Everything". In this clip, Julian goes around fining people with 'Wanker" number plates on their cars.

And if u notice carefully, the 1st car featured on this clip to get the fine is the NSX from Sig's previous post. And the last car is one of my favourite cars, the Nissan 180sx.

Leet Malaysian Kid

Title says it all... by far the best kid shuffler ever, better than those newb crews in MC.

The up and coming pro from malaysia, defines a HARDSTYLA~

Saturday, October 27, 2007

NSX Talk

To the asian car fanatics,


It happened today that i was reading a few articles regarding the change in the SEVS import to Australia, it seems they have changed the "15 year old" rule =\ so looks like importing cars is gonna be tougher (bleh who cares rights?, local car ftw).

Anyway, i was reading a few profiles about different cars, and did you know the Acura (Honda) NSX was actually imported to Australia under the dealership scheme, so its like the Mitsu Evolution VIII how it is possible to import it under Mitsu Australia (not personal import) - thus the evo 8s arent grey import but rather "rare" or 'exclusive' vehicles (woot that means simons' dad's car can really be worth something - too bad it wasnt an MR edition). Where as all the skylines' and the silvias on the road are 'grey import'. Anyway, back on track, that means it is near impossible to import an NSX (exclusing personal import - though that is completely a different story) at this current time, the NSX we see on the Australian road are very likely to be imported during those time under the scheme (1991).

To showcase the uniqueness and the exclusive value of the car, a second hand (1991) model NSX in Australia can set you up for around 80k (mid-poor condition) and as a reminder it is a 16 year old sports car and will likely to induce in a very expensive maintenance. So its preety rare to see them on the road, the driver must either have alot of dispensable finance or a car enthusiast.

Personally the stock NSX looks like crap, I think to Honda it was a failure - the nsx went out of production soon after it was released and that is why we see the 1991 model around, perhaps it was due to the fact that it was very expensive and for its stock perfomance did not satisfy the hunger for 'performance over money'. Albeit the fact that i hate the stock look, i must admit the 'done up' cars are very appealing indeed, the attached photo is one that was shown in the motor show (apparently the car is in sydney?) very niceee, verryyy niceee.

NSXs are 'nice' (or should i say RICE) car, though its something for the enthusiast and not your daily uni run. Maybe next time you see one on the road, you can appreciate the asianess appeal of Honda's memorable acura series.

thats my 0.02


(lol kelv remember the blue nsx, with the 'ethnic' person driving it?)

Funniest thing you will ever see

Cause im peter costello, ello, ello, eh, eh, eh, .. LOL

Friday, October 26, 2007

300 Spartan apples

300 parody featuring apples, beer bottles, mayo, and mount franklin drinking water.

Not your regular 300 parody.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

LOL emo !

haha click here for your laundry detergent needs

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

screeching monkey

bought 4 of them, works out to be $12.50 each (postage inclusive) which is great! :) thanks guys

we should ambush a guy one day. picture 4 screeching monkeys with capes and masks flying at your face.

click here to see a listing

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

All Rise - Balwyn High

Uploaded by popular demand, here is All Rise sung by Balwyn High Boyband!! (untitled as of yet).


Saturday, October 20, 2007

Class '07

Happy or Sad? The ambivalent emotions.
Omg, guys the time has home and its the end of our schooling years. No more school, no more high school. This is the time where we part on our seperate journeys! *yes yes im making this sound overly sad, while infact its actually not - haha =p.

Keep in touch you all, else matt is gonna go rawr rawr and turn u into a tygarm. It was an awesome year, time went preeety darn fast, i guess there are many things to look forward too soon.

Dont stress guys, keep your cool, "remember we deserve what we get in VCE".

Umm a side note: i think matt and i still going to have our bday party after the exams for our 18th, we'll update it soon....

got rice?

sig'07 - yo yo!

Pablo Francisco

I don't know how many comedians you know, some of my favourites would be Carl Barron and Dave Chappelle... then there's Russell Peters and that wierd Viet guy

But i've only recently come across "Pablo Francisco"

For those whom haven't seen it yet, check it out!
Mexican joke
"Next time you want to take a family portrait, put them on the back of a pick up truck, run a red light, and it takes a picture"

Friday, October 19, 2007

Muck Up Day

Best day of the year, raiding classrooms was hilarious... especially when we started threatening Sigid's favourite teacher Mr. CV
Although I didn't take any pictures coz i forgot to bring camera, so send me all your piccies!

Came to school early and saw min2 and lee, lol emo and jedi. Couldn't find Pat and Will to rehearse for the song, ended up just performing after a periods worth of practice~ although we still had fun =D

Anyways we watched "Resident Evil 3 - Extinction" after.

same girl kills lots of zombies

Kelv - 0.5/5
Andy - 1.5/5
Ray - 1/5
Matt - 1.5/5

conclusion: stay away from this movie, i wouldnt watch it again even if you paid me to

Random Pic of the day:
*Pat singing*
lolcat - Flote liek flutterby� Sting liek Bee!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Last day of year 12

Gonna start an official msn bhs craze! tag up [BHS CLASS '07] on ur msn name till exams n stuff are over =D

This year went by in a blink of an eye, i could still remember myself sitting that that chair at the start(or end of last year) of the year watching those little 3d amusing animation cartoons Mr. Nichols showed us.

gotta think of something to do after the assembly, like raiding specific teachers' classrooms! MR CV IS GOIN DOWN

Hope you all study hard for the exam, and get into a good course in uni

Anyways see you all at Muckup day tomorrow, the marchin zoo parade is comin your way!

cute polar bear picture - I Has a Blanket, Noo they be stealinâ?? my Blanket

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


For any of you that don't know, due to our late notification of everyone's greatly anticipated performance 'Blues - All Rise' by Pat Sig Will Chris and I... it was cancalled due to all the time slots being full @ Friday muckup day assembly.

Another annoyance is the fact that "No Masks" applies to everything... that means all our costumes are gonna look crap because of Mrs. Harris the B*#@#@
Ruling out the mask rule... pretty much means 95% of costumes arent allowed.

I dont care, im still going to wear my costume and mask unless they catch me and force me to take it off, else they can give me $88.

Tomorrow is pretty much going to be the official last school day of BHS 2007, so even if you have methods or chem or whatever, HAVE SOME FUN.


wheres baby?

my 0.02 for the day.

lol i cut myself

haha i accidentally put my little finger with scissors, its been bleeding all day. wondewring how to stop the blood cause its pretty annoying. tried a bandaid but blood seeps thru. tried putting pepper on it but made me sneeze. a lot. tried using those dentists tooth stoppy bleedy things but its annoying and fat. its stopped now i just held it there for about 10 mins. T_T

happy muck up day and shirt signing soon

Monday, October 15, 2007

ahhhhh! dammit meg!

This is why you shouldn't take steroids.

rofl 300 trailer

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Are you scared of dying?

Daunting isnt it. well i guess to be fair, everyone has to die sooner or later. make the most of your life. i wana life forever

Why everyone has to die eventually -

sunday 14oct

VATE english language revision lecture day. wow, quite fascinating. woke up late and missed the first tram. that was pretty gay. lost my admission documents and was looking for 15 mins. took the 9.20. theres this really interesting and informative pamphlet about how to use your mobility aid on public transport. that seemed to be the recurring theme of the day. OMG. after reading that i learnt alot.

did you know ur mobility aid has to be able to turn 180 degrees iwithin an area of 2070mm by 1540mm?

for some reason we kept seeing disabled ppl signs everywhere. it was really strange, like they were following me. You know what would be ironic? becoming disabled because u got run over by a wheelchair. but i guess you can put the wheelchair to good use!

went to the eng lang lecture in melb uni, was ok, 3 lectures 1.15 hours each.. ate kfc for lunch and felt like a pig. oh damn im traumatised ever since that time leo told me they grow chickens in test tubes for kfc. thats disgusting.. im never going to eat boneless chicken. do they really grow the chicken without the bones? bullshit... hes bullshitting me. anyway for englang.. quite weird lecture. since i lost the admission doc.. i had to register at the office or something. im so bad at reading maps! miranda and i were walking round in circles during the break trying to find some retard building that kept running away. when we finally got there the sign said

"if you have ur email or doc dont worry registering".

i was so hungry and we just wasted the break looking for that. after that i was starving in the second lecture, waiting for lunch.. i hate being hungry its annoying!! the lecturers were funny and i didnt learn too much, just revision. then went to academic and general to buy chem and methods smartstudy. hopes it is good. going to finish off checkpoints for phy che and mam as fast as i can then do exam papers.

lol sigid, how long did it take for u to do ITA checkpoints last year. i did it on the holidays, 8 hours for every question in the book. ITA is so retardedly easy one of the questions was like, give an example of a password.. . . . come on. T-T lol. Good luck kelvin and matt, i reckon if we ace the exam we can get really good for it. hope it doesnt scale down too much.

Saw this fat guy getting off the tram. his headphones got caught on the handle of something and he like strangled himself. quite funny, reminds me of the time i was riding bike and the headphones fell off wound up and snapped on the bike axle. that was gay. those were the 50 bucks ones too

i wana buy a lighter and a w950i i want 950 real bad. so cheap and so good! cant wait til end of vce, its going to be really fun, with more time to do fun stuff. i wana learn a martial art, then i can be a real ninja. hey kelvin remember that party where we became ninjas

oh by the way Matt, theyre not my friends, I have to do it as part of a program! theyre homos. . .. so pedophile pete told me you have some social problems or some shit? you, the fat one, tell me first.

i saw this cat when i was walking home yesterday, why are there so man cats in balwyn? and they always sit on the footpath in your way. when i patted him he had this weird sand on him. i wonder if it has aids.

How is everyone else today? hope u guys had a more interesting weekend. damn. tutor all the time, really draining. im so tired. ill upload all the funny pics later if i can be screwed

Battle Hamster (and wombats and pikachu)

Yo!! WASSUP HOMMIES! MY debut post on the rice field!

So after looking at Sig's post on the battle hamster, I just had to post this little tutorial that Sig sent me some time ago.

This tutorial will give u a step-by-step walkthrough on how to create your very own BATTLE HAMSTER!

I hope you enjoyed the little tutorial.

After reading the tutorial, how can one resist the temptation on having your own battle hamster! So after carefully following the tutorial, I made my own battle Wombat.

1. Make sure you have the right equipment. Here's what i used:

2. Carefully place the knife on top of your battle animal. Ensure that your little fury friend doesn't move too much, as this can be dangerous without having the knife equipped onto the animal.

3. Use tape to tape on the knife onto the battle animal. Again make sure that your little fury friend is still. Try to use tape that is friendly towards the animal's fur, as some no brand tapes may cause skin irritation to your battle animal.

4. The battle Wombat is now ready for combat! I tested it against Pikachu. WOMBAT-MON i choose you!!!

(Disclaimer: No animals were harmed). And if you're curious who won the battle, my battle wombat won =p


I choose you battle hamster!

Battle hamster is gonna own you!


I friggin need to sleep well, im like all sleepless and stuff, maybe ive got insomnia.


hey guys, check this link out:

you can put like your face and make the penguin dance and stuff its preety cool.


Saturday, October 13, 2007

OMFG TANK DRIFTO!!!! ZOMG!!11one1111eleven

LOL guys check this video of a tank doing a drift! who says tank cant drift =p

"I believe in science" - the honorable chairman kelvin

Hihi.. wow, my first post to this awesome blog. its going to be great! hmm. hows everyones weekends going? studying hard for exams? lol. didnt do much today, had neap physics.. saw myles and zong. man, i never knew zong was so horny. after that i ate chicken rice for lunch, it was yum. then state library to study for a few hours. i still feel lazy even if i study... See you guys on monday.. Last week of school, dont waste it! i think, even though u hate it, ull miss school after u go to uni. but then again unis going to be more fun. bleh

Congratulations to kelvin for his outstanding contribution. if he didnt believe in science, this could never have happened

Just too keeN

Had the norm english tutoring today... then walked along koonung trail home

so im sittin here trying to find some funny pictures, when i suddenly realize that my usb stick disappeared off my keychain. wtf it was chained in?! i mustve lost it friday night because i used it at school for the monash application kit that arvo ._.

but yeh ive found the coolest pic to make a mock motivational poster =D
hopefully Dailow Ben doesnt see it or else he'd kill me
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

and no sigid... i actually treat my pets very well, look at his smile! =D he luvs me
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

/RANT gotta wake up for tsfx tmr morning._.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Matt Chan is a little lostiee

So you think mattee is all tough and brute eh? Many of us would have thought he'd play cs till the day he dies, but did you know he is a lostie.

.`, sιg _ says:
.`, matt says:
.`, matt says:
i havent taken out my contacts yet LOL
.`, matt says:

im friggin bored mat, talk to me you noob.

OH OH OH MATT, ill tell you a shortcut when washing contacts, u lick it and then u put it in the container. I heard yea, if you put it under coke for a day it becomes a spankin new sets of contacts! =O, you should try it one day*.

*sig is no way affliated with this recommendation and is not liable for any health impairments that may arise from the use of such method. use at your own risk.

A little less than being keen

You see this matt? i call it animal cruelty!

I saw you bare handedly trying to eat a friggin bunny on a stick, how very manly.


Anyway, wtf i stapled my nail today did you know? just like you matt, it was bleeding profusely like crazy, i had to run it under the cold tap.

And fyi i sleep at 2:30 not 3:00 - 30 minutes is a difference! I shall look forward to our next rap battle.

ps. matt we gotta learn some moves for friday. youknowwouwantanalsekskkthxbaigghfgl

Official First blog entry

This is where the cakers matt sig and kelv are gonna hang out, anything significant that we think will entertain others or just rant on about our day... we will post here

Neways, we have less than 1 week of school left and I haven't started any proper exam revision ._.

We have sigid the geek/nerd that studies (and rap battles) up to 3am every morning and wakes up early to do some extra reading before school starts to make sure he's ahead of everyone in class for the sake of it.

Then we have the EXTREMELY COOL 99.95 guaranteed ENTERS kelvin and I whom stay up to 3am every morning playing DOTA =D
wait... only kelvin does that

Looking forward to muckup day next friday!~